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What really happens when you take the phone away from kids?

  • Writer: Matt C
    Matt C
  • May 2, 2016
  • 4 min read

Taking away the phone from your children can sometimes feel like you are taking their left arm. Once you finally get the guts to follow through on your threats to take away the phone. It can be a double edge sword. What I have found is that my child becomes a completely different person. They actually have to communicate with you and come out of their electronic hibernation! It is an interesting phenomenon, but kids actually want and need this discipline. What happens is that they are not capable of stepping away on their own. They are actually addicted to their phone in ways that you as parents cannot imagine. Ok…well some of you! With all the social pressures to keep their Snapchat streaks alive, to who is doing what and where, there is an overwhelming desire to stay connected that often times overrides rational and normal thinking.

When you finally make the step to take the phone away, whether it is for disciplinary reasons or simply just giving them a break, you will hear everything under the sun as to why you should not take it away. My favorite line was, “Fine, take my phone! I will just fail school then. I need it to do my school work and we use it every day in class. I guess if you want me to fail, then that is on you!” Well, I would be lying if for a second, that did not cross my mind. Then it hit me. First when I went to parent’s night at the school there was no mention that cellphones were mandatory and necessary for kids to succeed at school! Secondly, I knew that it was going to be difficult for me to communicate with my child outside of the home now and I was not sure how I would relay any important messages or vice versa. Boom…it hit me again, my daughter has friends who still have their phones. We’ll figure this out.

After getting over the initial shock, reality starts to set in for your child. They are not getting their phone back any time soon, so it is time for them to be problem solvers and resourceful. While this is a good thing, it also leads to further deception techniques that you need to be aware of to keep on top them. Remember your kids will always try to outsmart you. If they easily accept you taking the phone, then they already have a plan in place to get around this. Here are some things to look out for:

  • Do you have any old phones laying around the house? While they may not be connected to a cellular network to make phone calls, they can connect to any Wifi network, or one of their friend’s phones via hotspot and still use all the apps on their old phones.

  • They will get one of their friends old phones and use that. Often times friends will aid and abet their friends in this sneaky tactic to help keep their friends in the social ranks

  • Using a friend’s phone at school or at a friend’s house, then sending pictures, message, or whatever they deem necessary to their social accounts. They can jump from phone to phone by logging in and out of these accounts. This is increasingly dangerous because if they forget to log out of the account, their friend now has access to these accounts.

  • Using an iPad or tablet. This is also an easy work around. Many of these apps can be downloaded to iPads and tablets and offer an easy work around.

  • Sneaking in the middle of the night and taking a sibling’s phone and using it while they are sleeping or in some cases, working a deal with them to let them do it. Either way, a sneaky technique that can land a brother or sister in hot water if they are knowingly partaking in this workaround.

  • Computers…kids can still get on apps like Facebook and Twitter and use the direct message apps on these apps to communicate with each other.

  • Lastly, Game consoles. Kids can go on and talk to each other on game. It is really easy to do. This is even how terrorist get around governments spying on them. It is a closed network and untraceable.

These are all techniques that your kids will use to circumvent your actions of taking away the one thing that is most important…their friends! If your goal is to remove all social interaction, then you need to be on your toes and checking all of these medias for activity. Look for suspicious behavior, locked doors at odd times of the day or night, charging cables that may not look like ones you have in your house, etc. If you are simply looking to make it more difficult to communicate, then pick your battles. Watch their social accounts for activity and make sure that are not going to extreme lengths to get around not having a phone. If your child has serious separation anxiety, it may warrant other intervention from a counselor.

I assure you from experience, if you have never taking the phone away from one of your children because you were too afraid of what might happen, I assure you that they will survive. They will preserver and find ways to communicate with you and their friends. It is not the end of the world and I think you will find a much different child cloaked behind the shadows of these electronic devices.


 
 
 

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Southlake, TX 76092

matt@keepastepahead.com

MATT COLAN

Parent Advizor

Tel: 469-734-2767

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